Thursday, April 26, 2012

Not Again

This can't be happening again! In a blink of an eye my dreams have been torn from me again. 

Monday was my first prenatal appointment. It was also the day I was gonna shout to the world that we were having another baby. I was so excited and so sure everything would be perfect this time. I was finally gonna be able to bring a baby home. Well, the chances of that happening are greatly slim now.

After saying hello to my wonderful OB and her nurse, peeing in a cup, and taking my blood pressure we went into the ultrasound room. This was it! We get to see our baby that we have been impatiently waiting for. The ultrasound starts and I notice the sac looks empty. Then I think to myself, well its just to small at this point. She has to zoom in! Well, she does and then I hear the words I don't want to hear. Are you sure your dates are right? Is your cycle normal 28 days? I tell her that I know I ovulated on cd18, March 22. I know my dates! She says that I'm only measuring 4 1/2 to 5 weeks. WHAT! Yes, I yelled WHAT! The tech says she believes me so she takes her measurements then says that my dr will most likely want to draw labs to test my hCg and progesterone levels. Which is what my dr did. She rushed them so we got the results back in the evening. When she called that evening I was still left in limbo. She said my hCg level are 12,000 which is about a 6 weeks pregnancy. My progesterone is slightly low but not concerning. Tells me that she would expect to see more on the ultrasound from my labs but not hopeless yet.

Wednesday I had more labs done to compare. I had to wait until Thursday this time to hear my results. Woke up around 8 and I carried my phone around with me all day. Everywhere! Every time my phone made a noise my heart started pounding. So finally I get a call around 2:30. She says my levels did go up to 15,000 but since it should have doubled this was (I had already diagnosed myself with a blighted ovum on Monday.) This is where a pregnancy continues by forming the placenta and theres a sac but no embryo present. 

I am now waiting for Monday to have more labs done. We will determine when to do another ultrasound from there. I think she's just trying to make sure theres no possibility of misdiagnosing a miscarriage. Which is good and bad I guess. I just want to know already! Is there a baby there or not? I'm not at all confident that it will be a good outcome. I've been crying off and on all week. I woke Matt up crying Monday night. He held my hand and said we would get through it. In the waiting room at the doctor I got to see the big bellied pregnant women and a newborn. Torture! It reminded me of the times I was pregnant for Gabriel and had to look at all the pregnant ladies every week. As soon as the elevator doors closed when I was leaving tears came down. I would ask what I have done to deserve this again but what does anyone do to deserve a loss. Nothing! None of us deserve to be in this club. It sucks and it's a damn shame!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Blueberry

So I'm 6 weeks 1 day pregnant and the baby is the size of a blueberry this week!  Thats dating from my last cycle but since I ovulated late it could change. Just to be sure I took another test today!
Yep! Still pregnant! LOL! Just wanted to see how dark it would be. I still have another week before my first doctors appointment. I'm super excited and only get a nervous when I think about having an ultrasound to check for a heartbeat. I'm sure every appointment will be scary until I get the "everything looks great." After my appointment next week we plan on telling people. I would tell now but Matt won't let. Booooo! I thought it would have been awesome to tell everyone at Lyla's birthday last Saturday but got shot down. It would have been great to have a big surprise announcement.

Heres my birthday girl!

Tonight I decided to tell her that I'm having another baby. I didn't want to tell her to soon cause she would probably tell everyone. Heres our talk.

video

As you can see, I think she's a little confused. We'll just have to work on that. I pray that this baby makes it home. My sweet Lyla will be a great big sister.



Sunday, April 1, 2012

April Fools Day!

 I haven't wrote in a while and much has happened. I did finally ovulate on cd 18.
 The picture below is from cd17. I didn't video it this month cause I was being lazy! Sorry!

Now on to the good stuff..... wait for it.... I'm pregnant. Yes I'm serious! No I'm not lying! I'M FREAKING PREGNANT! I tested yesterday morning and got a really faint line on a cheapie. Then I decided to used a first response test. I truly thought I was just wasting a good, expensive test. But, I got another line. Didn't let myself believe it all day until I took another test and the line was much darker!!!!!

  video

Please excuse my fresh out of bed look; no makeup and bed head! Lookin' a hot southern mess!

video
Shut the front door! See! I wasn't lying! 

Heres my test from yesterday morning...


You see why I had my doubts? So faint!

Now heres the morning test with the, I'm definitely pregnant afternoon test!

Heres my awesome, I'm pregnant, chart!
It does have that promising triphasic pattern. On cd24 and 6 dpo my temperature jumped up a good amount. I thought it was a good sign when it happened. Now looking at it, I think I could have implanted at 5 dpo. My temp has continued to raise each day too! Woohooo!


The digital!
video
That just sums it up doesn't it!