Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday

Its been a year since you have been gone and it still hurts like it was the first day. I still cry. I thought with time the hurt would go away but time has only made it easier to handle. I have thought of you every single day and I hope that continues for the rest of my life. I will always hold you in my heart while dreaming I can hold you in heaven one day. 

I passed the exact spot I saw you last when I had my surgery. I always wonder what that would feel like knowing I would have to return. While I was in my room just a few doors away I kept remembering it. The nurse placing a blanket over your tiny body and walking out the room into the hall. I must say, I didn't like going down that hallway.

Not all days are bad so please don't worry. I think of you and smile much more than cry. The sunshine on my face reminds me of you. And every time I see a turtle sunbathing on a log I smile. If you remember, they would always bring me a sense of peace coming home from the doctors every week.

Your big sister painted a rainbow for you yesterday. And yes, she still calls you Gray-briel! She always talks about you at random times and makes me so proud she hasn't forgotten. 

So as tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for every moment I had with you. You have changed my life forever and made me stronger than I ever knew I could be. Thanks for watching over me and your new little brother Preston. I'll love you forever my sweet angel.

Love your mommy!

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