Monday, May 7, 2012

Yep... it happened again

So, after three different labs drawn and a second ultrasound it is confirmed that I have miscarried. From my second ultrasound, I stilled measured 4 weeks 3 days with an empty sac. Blighted ovum  is my official cause, I guess. Tomorrow I am having my D&C. My OB gave me the options of waiting it out, the pill to jump start it or the D&C. I picked the D&C since it's the quickest and with having Lyla it seemed the easiest way for her not to question why I have "red".

Over all I'm feeling ok, I think. I am greatly disappointed and do have my moments of suddenly crying in the middle of nowhere. When I got my results from my last set of labs I had to go grocery shopping that evening. I think I walked around the store like a zombie. It definitely hurts and my dreams are crushed once again.

Today I decided to share my news with all of my extended friends on "Facebook world" for one reason: I think pregnancy loss needs more awareness. For all of my grief and loss friends who have been told, "it was just a miscarriage, get over it already!" Everyone is different and grieves in a different way. Yes, it is in no way the same hurt as having to bury my baby but it is still a loss and does hurt. I would never want someone to belittle my grief just cause it wasn't enough of a loss. Which I have been told, by the way, with Gabriel. (At least he was never with with to get to know!) Stupid! People say such stupid things! Just say it sucks and I'm sorry! Maybe if I wouldn't of had Gabriel this loss would cut a little more but I don't know.

Well, I guess thats it for now. Have to go remove my nail polish for tomorrow and decide what snack I'm gonna eat at 11:45!

1 comment:

  1. I have to say that I am inspired by how you have handled everything and how open you are. I agree it is not talked about enough- which makes it hard for us who are dealing with it. Almost like we are ashamed of it.
    I miscarried a month ago- after a year and 5 fertility rounds. It has been the hardest month of my life. I keep telling myself though- if this is the hardest thing I go through- I am pretty blessed!