Today is Matt and I's four year anniversary. While laying on the sofa the last few weeks I often look at the three wedding pictures of us hanging on the wall. The first one is us saying our vows. Second, my favorite, is us dancing our first dance together. Last, is a picture of us leaving the reception with all of our close family and friends surrounding us. Those kids had no idea what life would give them. We've been together just over nine years now. Thank god I have him to go through this with me. He's an awesome husband and father. I'm extremely lucky to have him.
Gabriel has been stressing me out a little the last few weeks. His movements have deeply declined. I did have one night that he moved so much I was in bed laughing and crying at the same time. I wished Matt was there to experience it with me. Since then theres been barely anything. I never feel him give me any jabs or kicks. I only feel him shift positions maybe once or twice a day. The other day I didn't feel him at all. I had to get the heart rate monitor out to check. It was only the second time I've used it since getting his prognosis. It takes a while to work up the nerve to check when you think your baby might be gone. It was the weekend and I thought, what do I do if I can't find it. I can't call the doctors office. My only option would be to go to labor and delivery so they could call my doctor. I'll add this question to my list for next weeks appointment. This week I got to skip a week of going to the doctor for the first time since finding out 7 weeks ago. They feel that I'm doing well enough to skip a week. At that appointment I asked a question that I was avoiding for a while. Will he survive me being in labor? Answer= I don't know. Which is what I thought. We plan on doing a vaginal delivery unless I would medically need a C-section. She then said we probably wont have him hooked up to a monitor. They will check him periodically for a heart beat but she doesn't want us to have to hear and see his heart rate going down. If it does we just keep going so she doesn't want to torcher us with knowing it. Of course it will be all I will think about the whole time. I know some people would not agree with our decision to deliver vaginally but thats the choice we have made. Last Friday was probably the angriest I've been. I was find all day and then I was just not. Nothing really happened to tigger it but I just got crappy. I wanted to scream and throw things to help ease the pain but Lyla was sleeping so I decided that it wouldn't be best.
Last week we were informed that a few guys Matt works with and now along with a few family members theres going to be a raffle to help raise some money to help with medical and possibly funeral expenses. Its really weird that some guys I don't know would be so kind to think to do this for us. Were so thankful that we have so many people that care about us. Well, I hope this blog goes through since the internet is acting funny.