Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Oct 30, 2011

The last two doctors appointment have been pretty uneventful. Had my glucose test at 25 weeks which came back normal. At week 25 it had been 3 weeks since finding out Gabriel's prognosis. After crying for two weeks straight it didn't feel real anymore. I dont think I cried any day that week until I saw a picture. A picture of sweet Maggie Moo celebrating her first birthday. I was thinking that won't happen for us but I guess we will have to celebrate in a differnent way. At this weeks appointment I was simply have a bad day. The days before I wasn't feeling Gabriel move to much. Maybe once or twice a day and it was very light. The worried mom in me could only think that he might be getting weaker. The night before I woke Matt up with my crying. I was watching a lifetime movie for the first time in probably a year which put me in a sad mood. I guess I just like to punish myself sometimes. I felt bad for waking him up at 1:30 in the morning since he had to get up at 3:30 but he said he didn't mind. He held my hand until I finally calmed down. The next morning while sitting in the waiting room there was two pregnant ladies talking about their happy pregnancies. Mom must have known I was gonna start cause she got up to get me some tissue. When we saw the doctor she did her normal meassure my belly and check for heartbeat. Then I get to ask my questions of the week. Only one I had that day was if I would be induced at full term (37weeks). From reading other people stories that were going through this most were induced at 37 weeks. My doctors answer was, We don't think you will carry that far but yes if that would happen. When leaving I cried again in the elevator. There was a lady that was there for her postpartum check up with her six week old baby. It seems theres reminders everywhere showing me what I cant have. So, just like that my 13 weeks has been cut down to 10. Giving me a unoffical due date of Jan 9th but will most likely be before that. I was cheering on the weeks but now I don't want them to come anymore. Its not enough time. I want a lifetime. All of my pregnant friends are hoping their babies come soon and I dont want it at all. I would gladly be uncomfortable forever to keep him alive. Of course I remember being pregnant for Lyla and at 7 months I was ready too! We go back to see the specialist on Tuesday. I hope he has made it to over a pound now even though he should be double that. Well, Happy Halloween.
P.S. To all my friends that are pregnant or have babies please dont be afriad to share your happiness with me. Sometimes I am just having a bad day.

                                        Me, Pumpkin farmer and my Belle, Lyla

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